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Yeast Radio #1: Yoga Against Yeast
Madge Weinstein’s Speech to the International Association of Female Carpet Cleaners [Yeast Radio]
Who wants to pet my fat?
The vaginal walls are continually producing secretions necessary to provide lubrication, to cleanse the vagina, and to maintain the proper acidity to prevent infection. You will notice during different part of your menstrual cycle that your vaginal discharge will vary, (see Menstrual Cycle for more on that). The vagina tends to be fairly acidic (sperm tend to be more of a base or alkaline). The vagina is a naturally self-cleansing body part, so douching isn’t necessary to keep the vagina clean. Some women chose to use a vinegar and water douche after the end of their period, but this is not necessary. Women who like to douche, however, should do so with products that are unscented. It is not normal to have a vagina that smells like a field of flowers and can you imagine the chemicals used to create that “fragrance”… not good for you at all. If you have a ‘strange’ odor from you vagina, see a gynecologist!
Is it true that aluminum will make your vagina tight? I don’t really think it matters to most lesbian if we have a tight cunt. Dildos can’t really tell the difference anyway. I prefer a nice long wet wide stanky woman slot. Woah yeah, and “Little Madge” ain’t exactly little if you know what I am saying. Do you?
Did any annoying pop stars die today?
Oh, Christ, another day of bullshit lies ahead. I’m so busy. Everyone wants a piece of Madge. It’s not easy being everthing to everyone. Do you think it’s easy getting out of bed, walking my goddamn cats, then over to the stove to make my breakfast only to find that I’ve placed my cunttainer of earth-friendly sugar on the stove and turned on the wrong burner? So I lifted up the goddamn cunttainer and the sugar went all over the stove and started to smoke.
It must be a sign from the Goddess. She’s saying, “Madge, you’re fat cunt!”
Now I have to give a speech to the producers at the record label turday on the virtues of outsourcing young lesbian vocal talent. But do you think I get to relax after that? No. I have to rehearse my speech for the Lesbian Carpet Cleaner’s Union turdmorrow.
No sleep for the Weinstein! World, stop needing me so much. Well, not really.
Love,
Madge
A Woman of Luna
It takes me so goddamn long to get out of the house in the morning. I think I’ve finally figured out what’s going on with me. You see, first I shit out my fiber one from the night before, then I feel so relieved and de-bloated that it takes me a good half hour to get over the fact that I’m not bloated anymore. I put my hands on my pannus and massage my bloaterus, much the same way as a midwife massages the belly of a new mother. I never really get over it, for I think about my production all day, especially if it required two flushes. My shitting is my ball and chain sometimes.
