I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

It takes me so goddamn long to get out of the house in the morning. I think I’ve finally figured out what’s going on with me. You see, first I shit out my fiber one from the night before, then I feel so relieved and de-bloated that it takes me a good half hour to get over the fact that I’m not bloated anymore. I put my hands on my pannus and massage my bloaterus, much the same way as a midwife massages the belly of a new mother. I never really get over it, for I think about my production all day, especially if it required two flushes. My shitting is my ball and chain sometimes.

She is like the fat one in Dreamgirls.