What a day. I binged ate two bowls of the Fiber One before going to bed. I mixed it up with lots of cinamin and plenty of the bulk Equal sweetener. So, surprise surpise, I woke up with shit trying to poke out of my asshole. So I dragged my fat to the toilet and let loose a collosal load.

So then I went to my typical Sunday morning Overeating Watcher’s meeting and then out to Pizza Capri for sisterhood. I ate the Juevos Rancheros and several slices of bread dipped in delicious olive oil. This was accompanied by several cups of coffee.

Afterwards, I decided to fly my broom down Halstead Street to visit the Guitar Center to see if I coould pick up one of those Madonna-style head-gear microphones for my Feast of Fools Appearance this coming Wednesday, December 1 at the Schuba’s. Well, they didn’t have it so, on my way I went.

I figured shopping would be safe today, since a produced such a large turd this morning. Usually I am restricted in my Sunday shopping by my typical biological need to shit a brick every day at around 2pm. Most of the time, a shit in the morning means I am off the hook for my midday dump.

Not so, I quickly learned. After visiting the Home Depot and the Best Buy where I unscuccessfully cruised for goddess meat, I felt that sudden urge to empty my duterus. I quickly headed over to the Chipotle, a mostly secluded lesbian land fill. However, the lock on the stall did not work and while I felt tremendous colonic pressure, I managed to get next door to the Panera Bread. There was a slit in the stall door but at least the damn thing lo0cked. So in I went, and I didn’t even have enough time to sprinkle my lavendar over the seat and perform my usual “back to the mud” cleansing ritual.

I sat on the tiolet andd an 18 inch brown snake shot out of my anus at phenomenal speed. Nobody had entered the restroom, so I decided it was time to make a break for it. I quickly wiped my ass 4 or 5 times breathed a nice memorable whiff, flushed and out I went.

Relieved of my tremendous bloat, I felt brave enough to enter the atrocious Cost Plus Market. The first thing I saw inside was this woman holding one of those round things made of dried branches, I think a wreath is what you goyim call it but this one was made of totally dead material. Oh, how I wanted to scream out at her, “THAT’S A WASTE OF MONEY, YOU STUPID BITCH!” I restrained myself from doing so, but not without the help of my higher Goddess. I then realized that the name of that place should be “Stupid Crap You Don’t Need Market.”

So anyway, I picked up several of my most sacred lesbian spices, including lavendar, fennel, cloves, and of course star anus. Well, then I get to the register and wouldn’t you know it? I got the FAT RETARD line. I was forced to WAIT and WAIT for some stupid queen to get his 10% discount on some horrible Pier One reject rattan chair that should have died in 1977. I waited and waited and it just wouldn’t end. Finally I said to the cashier, “FORGET IT” and threw my star anus down on her counter angerly, with the rest of the spices of course and I self-rightously marched out of that crappy store.

Now I do like their spices, but that place sucks ass.

Love,
Madge
A Woman of Luna.

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