Did any annoying pop stars die today?

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Oh, Christ, another day of bullshit lies ahead. I’m so busy. Everyone wants a piece of Madge. It’s not easy being everthing to everyone. Do you think it’s easy getting out of bed, walking my goddamn cats, then over to the stove to make my breakfast only to find that I’ve placed my cunttainer of earth-friendly sugar on the stove and turned on the wrong burner? So I lifted up the goddamn cunttainer and the sugar went all over the stove and started to smoke.

It must be a sign from the Goddess. She’s saying, “Madge, you’re fat cunt!”

Now I have to give a speech to the producers at the record label turday on the virtues of outsourcing young lesbian vocal talent. But do you think I get to relax after that? No. I have to rehearse my speech for the Lesbian Carpet Cleaner’s Union turdmorrow.

No sleep for the Weinstein! World, stop needing me so much. Well, not really.

Love,
Madge
A Woman of Luna

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It takes me so goddamn long to get out of the house in the morning. I think I’ve finally figured out what’s going on with me. You see, first I shit out my fiber one from the night before, then I feel so relieved and de-bloated that it takes me a good half hour to get over the fact that I’m not bloated anymore. I put my hands on my pannus and massage my bloaterus, much the same way as a midwife massages the belly of a new mother. I never really get over it, for I think about my production all day, especially if it required two flushes. My shitting is my ball and chain sometimes.

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Come on and take a peek at my brand new video journal!

http://insanefilms.com

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If you want to see me in full motion video click on this hot love button of mine.

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What a day. I binged ate two bowls of the Fiber One before going to bed. I mixed it up with lots of cinamin and plenty of the bulk Equal sweetener. So, surprise surpise, I woke up with shit trying to poke out of my asshole. So I dragged my fat to the toilet and let loose a collosal load.

So then I went to my typical Sunday morning Overeating Watcher’s meeting and then out to Pizza Capri for sisterhood. I ate the Juevos Rancheros and several slices of bread dipped in delicious olive oil. This was accompanied by several cups of coffee.

Afterwards, I decided to fly my broom down Halstead Street to visit the Guitar Center to see if I coould pick up one of those Madonna-style head-gear microphones for my Feast of Fools Appearance this coming Wednesday, December 1 at the Schuba’s. Well, they didn’t have it so, on my way I went.

I figured shopping would be safe today, since a produced such a large turd this morning. Usually I am restricted in my Sunday shopping by my typical biological need to shit a brick every day at around 2pm. Most of the time, a shit in the morning means I am off the hook for my midday dump.

Not so, I quickly learned. After visiting the Home Depot and the Best Buy where I unscuccessfully cruised for goddess meat, I felt that sudden urge to empty my duterus. I quickly headed over to the Chipotle, a mostly secluded lesbian land fill. However, the lock on the stall did not work and while I felt tremendous colonic pressure, I managed to get next door to the Panera Bread. There was a slit in the stall door but at least the damn thing lo0cked. So in I went, and I didn’t even have enough time to sprinkle my lavendar over the seat and perform my usual “back to the mud” cleansing ritual.

I sat on the tiolet andd an 18 inch brown snake shot out of my anus at phenomenal speed. Nobody had entered the restroom, so I decided it was time to make a break for it. I quickly wiped my ass 4 or 5 times breathed a nice memorable whiff, flushed and out I went.

Relieved of my tremendous bloat, I felt brave enough to enter the atrocious Cost Plus Market. The first thing I saw inside was this woman holding one of those round things made of dried branches, I think a wreath is what you goyim call it but this one was made of totally dead material. Oh, how I wanted to scream out at her, “THAT’S A WASTE OF MONEY, YOU STUPID BITCH!” I restrained myself from doing so, but not without the help of my higher Goddess. I then realized that the name of that place should be “Stupid Crap You Don’t Need Market.”

So anyway, I picked up several of my most sacred lesbian spices, including lavendar, fennel, cloves, and of course star anus. Well, then I get to the register and wouldn’t you know it? I got the FAT RETARD line. I was forced to WAIT and WAIT for some stupid queen to get his 10% discount on some horrible Pier One reject rattan chair that should have died in 1977. I waited and waited and it just wouldn’t end. Finally I said to the cashier, “FORGET IT” and threw my star anus down on her counter angerly, with the rest of the spices of course and I self-rightously marched out of that crappy store.

Now I do like their spices, but that place sucks ass.

Love,
Madge
A Woman of Luna.

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